Ezzes by Estis | Ezzes from the Rabbi
Our Rebbe gives the best ezzes.
"Rebbe, what should I do, marry or not marry, or marry? Does marriage make you happy?" - "Marriage makes you happy. Unless you're married."
"Rebbe, what should I do? I sometimes have such strange thoughts..." - "Well, be glad they visit you; for others, they're at home!" - "Rebbe, what should I do? I have to travel to a remote village whose real location I don't even know..." - "Good, but once you get there, would you be able to find your way back from there?" - "Of course, Rebbe!" - "Then just take this path, but go the other way!"
"Rebbe, what should I do? I have a week to complete a task. I've been working tirelessly for six days, but tomorrow is Shabbat. How am I supposed to finish my work on time?" - "For six days? Well, it hasn't been Shabbat for six days, so why should tomorrow suddenly be Shabbat?"
"Rebbe, what should I do? I'm invited to a friend's house, and they're making aspic. But aspic isn't kosher, is it?" - "Of course aspic is kosher." - "But how can that be, Rebbe?" - "Well, aspic is made from 100 percent ingredients!"
"Rebbe, what should I do? I have almost no friends, I'm obviously not a welcome guest..." - "Well, you have to be a good guest..." - "And how does that work?" - "You have to be undemanding. You have to do everything yourself. Hang up your coat yourself, get your own plate yourself, put the food on the plate yourself..." - "But how, Rebbe, if I'm not even invited?" - "Well, you have to invite yourself too..."
"Rebbe, what should I do? I need a completely new joke for my performance, one that no one has ever heard before—or even read!" - "Take the joke about the herring on the spire." - "With the herring on the spire? How does the joke go?" - "I won't tell you, otherwise it won't be new anymore!"
"Rebbe, what should I do? I'm never lucky. Why shouldn't the Almighty grant me some luck?" - "The Almighty should grant it to you?" - "Yes, Rebbe, He should!" - "You'd have to have that kind of luck first..."
"Rebbe, what should I do? I want to become wiser..." - "Study more Torah!" - "Why, Rebbe, do I become wiser from studying the Scriptures?" - "No, but you become more tired. One who is tired speaks little. One who speaks little is silent. One who is silent appears wise."
"Rebbe, what should I do? This life is simply terrible. Will it get better in the future than it has been so far?" - "That's uncertain..." - "But Rebbe, will it at least get worse somewhat more consistently than it has surprisingly not gotten better so far?" - "That's even more uncertain." - "Rebbe, but can it go on like this?" - "That's also uncertain." - "Rebbe, is there any certainty at all in this life?" - "Hard to say..."
"Oy vey, Rebbe, what should I do? I must die as soon as my life is over—and perhaps even before!" - "Well, better to die once than never to live!"
Yes, our Rebbe really gives the best ezzes – because you can't do anything with them, but you can't get to the end of them either.
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