Self-optimization: Why too much self-control can harm you

In the age of self-optimization, it's become quite disreputable to simply let things go and give in to your inner demons. We're supposed to start the day with a healthy morning routine, including meditation, journaling, and a green smoothie, and continue it with a super-structured approach and a perfectly timed workload. In the evening, while dining with friends, we naturally only consume our maximum number of drinks—or, better yet, no alcohol at all—before going to bed in time for our next optimized day.

Very few people achieve this level of self-discipline – and end up feeling bad because our society is geared towards productivity and performance.

Our relationships can suffer from too much self-control

Are you the kind of person who'd rather stay in bed than get up at 6 a.m. to exercise, or who sometimes procrastinates instead of completing a task right away? Don't worry! Firstly, the kind of self-control that allows us to live life in a perfectly optimized state is almost impossible to achieve. And secondly, it can even harm us – for example, in interpersonal relationships.

According to coach and author Christian Thiele, people with extremely high self-control can experience unexpected problems in relationships. "Constant self-discipline brings with it 'interpersonal costs,'" the expert explains to "Deutschlandfunk Kultur." "People with little impulsiveness who always have themselves under control run the risk of being overwhelmed by their environment, both at work and in the family – because you can rely on them anytime and anywhere." This can make them less satisfied with and lonelier in their social relationships.

How meaningful is our self-assessment on the topic of discipline?

Further difficulties are emerging in research on self-discipline. First of all, studies on the topic are often difficult to evaluate, because information about a person's impulse control is often based on self-report. But just because I believe I'm very disciplined doesn't necessarily mean I'm actually that way.

Therefore, there are studies that attempt to measure self-control with specific tests, such as the so-called Stroop test. In this test, colors are written in text form – but the words are colored a different color, so the word "blue" is colored red, the word "green" blue, and so on.

The test subject is asked to correctly name the color of the word. This is anything but easy, however, because our brain registers a conflict between the perceived color and the written word. Scientifically speaking, those who do well on this test have good self-control. And according to studies , this often doesn't necessarily correspond with people's self-assessment of their level of discipline.

How much self-discipline is actually healthy?

A study by Canadian psychologist Dr. Michael Inzlicht also investigated whether students who are more able to resist temptations are more successful overall. The result: They are not. Those participants who followed certain habits with particular control were, above all, more exhausted and stressed at the end of the study period than those who took a more relaxed approach.

Self-control: Finding your own center

So does this mean we should stop trying to develop healthy and productive habits altogether? Drink every day, smoke, sleep as long as we want, eat whatever we want, and not exercise without considering what this does to our health? No, of course not. Because a certain degree of self-discipline is necessary for us to get things done, have fulfilling and balanced relationships, and maintain our health.

Whether we find discipline and resisting temptation easy is not only, but also a matter of disposition. Therefore, the degree of self-flagellation versus hedonism we need to feel good and manage our lives contentedly and successfully is also very individual.

But it's—as with so many things in life—a question of balance. Having no self-control and giving in to every temptation is just as unlikely to lead to a healthy and satisfying life in the long run as constantly sticking to our rigid plan with 100% discipline, without the occasional spontaneous indulgence or indulgence. The key here is to find your own balance. And that can be challenging enough.

mbl Brigitte

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