'He who has self-love overcomes the need for approval': Walter Riso

“Self-love is the foundation upon which we build our lives and our selves, whether we are aware of it or not. In a world that constantly bombards us with expectations, criticism, and pressure, self-love is not a luxury, but a vital necessity for living fully and authentically,” says Italian psychologist Walter Riso, a specialist in cognitive therapy with a master's degree in bioethics and author of books that have been translated into more than 20 languages. In The 7 Pillars of Self-Love , his latest work, he aims to convey the importance of self-love in personal transformation.

A popularizer of everything that contributes to improving quality of life and well-being, Walter Riso emphasizes the importance of people's right to receive information. "If caresses can reduce depression, why shouldn't I tell people that? Why does it have to remain in an academic setting?" he warns.

From Loving You So Much, I Forgot About Myself , Stronger Than Adversity , The Art of Being Flexible , and Fall in Love with Yourself are some of her previously published titles. She divides her time from writing with university lectures and clinical practice. She currently teaches at the RET Institute in Barcelona, ​​"which is the New York branch of Albert Ellis, the leading center for cognitive psychology," she notes. There she teaches Personal Growth and Self-Love from a Scientific Perspective.

Sometimes it's difficult to translate complex and highly scientific issues into simple language. And, in fact, if it's a technical book, of which I have several, I write it for my colleagues. And if they don't understand it, it's their problem. But in my last book, if you can't explain it, it's because you didn't understand it well. With this book, I had to revise things twice because I saw I wasn't explaining it well. And that's a responsibility. What motivates me is the idea that books can prevent many negative things in psychology. If you manage to influence a psychologically healthy lifestyle, the likelihood of creating a clinical picture decreases. This is done a lot in the world, but there's a separation between dissemination and self-help.

Popularization is, so to speak, scientific self-help. It has some self-help aspects, but self-help isn't bad. It depends on how it's done. The world's leading psychologists write technical and popularization texts. But it's scientific popularization when all the information you provide is based on evidence. That is, you get it from research.

Lately, it's being considered one of the key factors for mental health. Not the only one, but one of many, but an important one. For example, self-love is a resilience factor for depression.

Yes. A depressed person has a very high level of sadness. Self-love doesn't come with sadness; it generally comes with the joy of self-discovery, of awareness. A depressed person is always evaluating themselves negatively. That's their main characteristic. The negative bias causes them to be hypercritical, to enter a state of rumination, always thinking negative thoughts about themselves.

Because we've been raised to look more outward than inward. According to research, only 5 percent of the time we have is spent on ourselves. We waste the rest outside. We were taught to look more outward than inward. And we were taught that other people are more important than ourselves. If you have self-love, they won't manipulate you so easily. You'll know your limits, which principles you can negotiate and which you can't. Wisdom isn't in hiding your virtues, but in showing them without boasting about them. Those who have self-love overcome the need for approval. You're not worth anything because of the medals you wear, or because of what you have, or because of prestige, power, or position. You're worth anything simply because you're alive.

Self-esteem belongs to self-love. Self-love is a much deeper and broader concept . Self-esteem is also a self-assessment of your personal worth. But while self-love considers external aspects without seeing the results, self-esteem depends on the results you achieve. It's conditioned by performance. If you connect self-esteem to self-love and nourish it with self-love, self-esteem then helps you move toward your goal.

Exactly. Often, what is a failure on the outside is a success on the inside. Perhaps success isn't reaching the goal. Success is trying with all your might. Michael Jordan said, "I can handle failure. I can handle it. What I can't handle is not having tried."

No. Perfectionism is a disaster. What we need to change is the word perfectionism for improvement. People say "I'm a perfectionist" as a virtue, but being a perfectionist is putting a crown of thorns on yourself. It's thinking you have to be infallible, that you're not vulnerable or weak. If you say "I want to be the best," you're screwed. Don't say "the best," because you're already competing. Perfectionism generates anxiety problems. It's a lifestyle.

When they affect your dignity and you don't react. They affect your dignity when they don't listen to you. When you're in a place where you're not wanted and you stay there because you think you deserve it. When you punish yourself a lot. To love is to let the other person appear, to let the other person be as they are, to accept them. When they repress you, crush you, don't let your true self come out, your dignity is at stake. Kant said that the human being is a being in itself, not a means. It's not usable, it's priceless. When someone manipulates you, uses you as a means to an end, they're objectifying you. When you feel you're humiliating yourself; that you're negotiating with what you shouldn't be negotiating; that others define your self. In any case, when you feel less, when you don't feel you're a valuable person, that you're not much. That's when you have to run, do something, ask for behavioral therapy, read a book by Riso or another.

Many things. Don't let your children punish themselves and criticize themselves mercilessly. Sometimes, when a child says "I'm an idiot" because they did poorly in math, the parents don't say anything. But when the child swears, the parents say something. Children aren't perfect; they can make mistakes. They must correct them, but they must make them. In other words, perfectionism, comparison, and self-criticism are destructive. At the same time that you are teaching your child not to hurt themselves, you also have to teach them how to praise themselves. This is called self-praise, which isn't in any educational manual. The third point would be to allow your child to defend their principles as they develop them, to understand that they can set limits. That they can say "no."

I went to Spain because the publishing house was in Barcelona. My literary agent was in Barcelona. I had friends who were in Barcelona. And I taught for a while at the University of Barcelona. I can always go to Naples; I can get there by plane in an hour.

Yes, my first book was published in the 90s. About 30 years ago. And that's a given, because I've published almost 40 books, translated into a number of languages. There are 33 of them in popular science.

Why do I do this? Because it's useful. If it wasn't useful, if it wasn't useful, I wouldn't do it. I also wrote a novel, called Pizzería Vesubio , which takes place in Argentina (the story is linked to the story of his father and pizzerias).

Cognitive therapists are experts in human software. You process internal and external information. Within that internal information, you process your emotions, and obviously, we take the past into account. But it's a directive therapy, which in my case, I direct. I don't let the person start their own speculations. What cognitive therapists do is act, confront, discuss, we put the patient on the same level as us. And we guide them or create doubts. This type of therapy is always accompanied by bibliotherapy, which is giving the patient written information about tasks to be done. That's where self-help is born, from what one gives to therapists, which later became popular.

Yes, of course. Note that in therapy, many psychologists recommend my books and other books by authors. You have to check if they're professionals, if what they say is true, if they have bibliographies. Because now you go online and find anything. There are many people who talk about self-love, but they say absurd things. Plus, these books help show you if you have a problem you didn't know you had. They push you to see a therapist.

Bioethics is the study of ethics in medicine and in any type of healthcare procedure. It addresses very complex issues, such as euthanasia, abortion, and transplants. And whether or not the patient has the right to die with dignity. Bioethics has the power to take the mind as far as possible, because we must confront problems whose solutions are sometimes not even thought possible. So, almost everywhere, there are bioethics committees that consider what should be done from an ethical perspective. These are huge discussions.

For the Nation (Argentina) - GDA