Five key questions we should be asking about Kristen Bell and this year's SAG Awards

Each week Daily Mirror columnist Jessica Boulton guides us through the weird and wacky showbiz world with Jess Saying, her wry and whimsical take on the past seven days....

SAG Sunday

Thank you Netflix! Last night was just the second time we've been able to watch the SAG Awards in the UK. And - crikes! - what a mixed treat they were.

There was adulation from most but not all for Lifetime Achievement Award winner Jane Fonda. (She's not so popular in certain parts of the Armed Forces). The Pope was sent a Get Well Soon message from the cast of Conclave. And Karla Sofia Gascon continued to be completely erased from Emilia Perez's legacy after her controversial tweet scandal.

But before we even think about who won what when and why, there's five things that were the real talking points from the night:

1. Was it refreshingly honest or totally egomaniacal when Timothee Chalamet declared he wanted to "be one of the greats" like Marlon Brando? I believe the actual phrase was that he "was in pursuit of greatness" - before holding his Best Actor in a Movie award aloft and declaring - with a gravitas I'm sure SAG appreciated - "This doesn’t signify that, but it’s a little more fuel." Ouch.

I rather feel Tim's overdone it on the Kardashian Konfidence Training. The poor SAG gong hadn't been that insulted, since, well, Kieran Culkin's bizarre rant about its weight earlier in the night. (You know, the one that prompted every winner to make the very same joke when they got their award......)

2. Who was the absolute bona fide genius who booked Kristen Bell as host? And can we please get her to do all awards shows from now on? From her new take on her Frozen song (she voiced Anna in the movies) to her reunion with co-stars from The Good Place (Ted Danson and William Jackson Harper) and Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Jason Segel), to that moment on stage with her Nobody Wants This co-star Adam Brody (my heart can barely take it)......I don't know where to begin.

But, boy, did Kristen's hubby Dax Shepard miss out by opting to stay home and babysit the kids.

I'm torn as to my absolute favourite Bell moment of the night. Was it her sending herself up with that infamous sloth video? Her reunion with Adam's wife Leighton Meester as she took up the Gossip Girl mantle once again? Or the fact she showed a clip of her 00's alter-ego Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls getting hot and heavy to a roomful of Hollywood icons?

3. Talking of references to our favourite noughties and nineties TV shows.....Someone on production is clearly a TV fan after my own heart. Across the various montages and skits on the night there was an X Files reunion, a New Girl reunion, multiple references to Buffy, Clueless, Beverly Hills 90210 and Gossip Girl, and a 30-second clip of - ( don't think for a second I missed it) - The OC theme tune. Although why the cameraperson couldn't show us Adam's face when he heard that literal blast from the past is a mystery.

4. The award for best Trump dig of the night goes to..... Jane Fonda of course. I mean, the speeches were always going to be political with activist Jane getting the honour of the night. But if Trump wasn't keen on Hollywood before, he certainly wasn't after she spoke. "Bullying" and "misogyny" I believe were just two of the terms that were not used - not directly, but definitely inferred with intent.

Not to mention Jane also came out with enough poignant one-liners to bring out her own range of inspirational fridge magnets: "'Woke' just means you give a damn about other people"; "It's okay to be a later bloomer as long as you don't miss the flower show"; "I'm not done"; and the slightly less pithy: "This is a good time for a little Norma Rae."

Being from the Fonda Dynasty, it was all about making an impassioned speech. But if only she came from the other end of Hollywood Royalty....the Kardashians. For then there would have been slogan t-shirts, mugs, hats and eco-water bottles all printed and ready to flog in the interval. Talk about missing a trick, Jane.

5. Forget the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, there's a new way people in Hollywood are finding themselves interconnected nowadays: by who gave who Coronavirus. Presenting the award for Best Actor in a Limited Series, Jamie Lee Curtis shocked the room by saying: "And the Actor goes to…the man who gave me COVID at the Golden Globes, Colin Farrell."

Yes, it turns out that in 2023 awards season saw a web of celebs connected by Covid as Jamie Lee Curtis got it from a kiss on cheek with Colin Farrell who got it from a kiss on cheek from Brendan Gleeson. One of them was luckier than the others, I would argue.....

Want more? Read this weekend's Jess Saying column below: Monday morning after

The Baftas gave us plenty of shocks and treats to keep us talking well into Monday.

There was Saoirse Ronan fangirling over Take That (yelling out that she’d been to see them twice on tour), Kylie Jenner snuggling up to boyfriend Timothée Chalamet and Warwick Davis making us all sob as he delivered his Fellowship speech from his specially made lectern.

David Tennant got A-listers singing I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) like they were on a night out at karaoke and Wallace and Gromit themselves went up on stage not once but twice to receive their gongs (with a little help from Aardman’s Nick Park).

Yet far, far away the moment of the night was one that came courtesy of Star Wars legend Mark Hamill. For poor Luke Skywalker suffered an unfortunate wardrobe malfunction while presenting the award for Best Film – and thanks to a dodgy button nearly got caught with his pants down.

Fortunately Mark managed to catch them in the nick of time. Another few nanoseconds and he may have been flashing the world something other than his lightsaber.

BGT ’s back Tuesday

We’re on the verge of sending troops to Ukraine, taxes and bills are once more on the rise and a right-wing South African billionaire, living 5,000miles away, is relentlessly trolling our Government.

So with Britain’s situation not looking terribly great, it’s been a relief to see that one mega-millionaire still knows exactly what the country needs.

And no, it’s not more ballad singers, emotional choirs and dancers sashaying on with a sob story. It’s proper feel-good entertainment.

And that can mean only one thing … (drumroll, please!) ... pole-dancing seagulls . Yes, you read that right.

For Simon Cowell is back with Britain’s Got Talent and this year he has vowed to embrace the more unique/­original/quirky/very British acts – aka everything that’s completely bonkers (and will hopefully make us laugh).

“I laugh at weird things. I have a very strange sense of humour,” he said on Tuesday.

That he does, because there’s a rock band dressed as dinosaurs, a woman balancing bowls on her head and a very creative naturist, all joining the bill.

As for the pole-dancing birds it turns out they are human pole dancers dressed as supersized seagulls.

Why, you ask? I have absolutely no idea. It’s completely nonsensical.

Given their skillset....They should have been Great T*ts.

Cooking with the Darcys Wednesday

Apparently the real-life Mr Darcy, Matthew Macfay d en, has been taking a lot of pride in his ability when it comes to certain domestic duties. But he’s more than a little prejudiced about his wife – Miss Austen star Keeley Hawes – and her efforts.

No, this isn’t an overshare more suited to OnlyFans. Keeley, who’s currently starring as Jane Austen’s sister in the BBC drama, has just been sharing a little insight this week into her domestic bliss with hubby Matthew, who, coincidentally, played the author’s most famous hero in 2005’s Pride & Prejudice.

So what are these skills Matthew’s so proud of?

Well, according to Keeley, the Succession star is absolutely obsessed with cooking and has gallantly taken on all chef responsibilities for the past 20 years. Why? Well, because – as a woman after my own heart – her speciality dishes only extend as far as toast, gummy bears and, rather bizarrely, taramasalata .

In fact, she’s so bad, Matthew’s been known to wince if she even approaches a kitchen knife.

Which brings me to Keeley’s confession about one of her hardest acting roles to date.

For, she also revealed that she had been so keen to impress Matt on an early date, she claimed to share his passion for all things culinary.

And of course, like in any Austen novel, the little white lie nearly landed her in some serious hot water – when he subsequently popped round for dinner...

“I got this [takeaway] and heated it up,” she told The Dish podcast, “and then threw some things around the kitchen and turned the lights down really low. “And he was saying, ‘Oh, and how did you make it?’ And I was like, ‘Oh, with some, you know…’ I had no idea! And he didn’t find out about that, actually, for a long time.”

I’m not sure what Jane would say about such a deception but for me there’s no further Persuasion ­necessary – it makes perfect Sense (and Sensibility).

Ender an era Thursday

It was a happy, happy, super-jolly birthday for EastEnders this week as poor Martin Fowler came to a tragic end – trapped under a beam in the exploded Queen Vic.

James Bye and Lacey Turner were faultless in Thursday’s live episode to celebrate ’Enders’ 40 years – yet unfortunately their on-screen alter egos Martin and Stacey were not.

Because I know a Slater loves to add a dramatic flair to any conversation, but not even a navel-gazing Kardashian would insist on doing what Stacey did.

For those who didn’t watch this week’s episodes, answer me this: You’re in a pub when it explodes. You’re trapped under the rubble when – joy! – the on-off love of your life risks everything to run in and rescue you.

Once free, do you: A. Hurry out to safety and have an honest chat with them about your future as a possible couple over a cuppa in the “caff”;

B. Flee to safety and arrange to meet at Arthur’s old allotment shed for a discreet dissection about your feelings, or

C. Completely forget about the imminent risk to life, smouldering embers, being in a building on the verge of collapse and the precarious loosened beam above your loved one’s head… then insist on staying put so you can have a long heart-to-heart there and then?

Spoiler alert: Stace went for C, the roof collapsed, Martin got squashed, they made up, decided to get married and – yay! happy birthday everyone! – Martin had a fatal heart attack.

Of course, there was also the light relief subplot – suicidal Phil Mitchell playing Russian Roulette with a pistol to his head.

The episodes were excellent, of course, if a little macabre. But they made me think… EastEnders isn’t the only show celebrating a landmark anniversary this year.

So imagine if Walford’s not-so-cheery writers were drafted in to work on some other birthday specials? What would they come up with?

Here are my predictions: Mr Bean (35 years): He’s bullied for being non-vocal but is unable to get help because of the long waiting times for NHS mental health services. Friends (30 years since British debut): The gang reunites – without Chandler. Joey’s been cancelled after the MeToo Era, Ross is on his 12th divorce, Monica’s addicted to weight-loss jabs and they all got priced out of the NY housing market and are sharing a trailer in New Jersey.

And finally: The West Wing (25 years since UK debut): President Bartlet’s idealism, emotional intelligence and unerring sense of right and wrong is replaced by… Trump. Yep, reality is so very depressing, even the Enders’ writers couldn’t come up with anything worse.

Movie fright Friday

James Bond has delivered some pretty giant blows in his time. Just ask Dr No and Goldfinger. But his latest was a proper suckerpunch to the stomach.

For, on Thursday, its longtime guardians Barbara Broccoli, 64, and Michael Wilson, 87, announced they were stepping back. So now 007… is the property of Amazon. And by Friday, past Bonds and Bond Girls were all over social media asking what would this mean for the all-British hero?

I’m sure they’ll be safeguarding Bond’s legacy. But if I were Jeff Bezos this would be my pitch for the next movie (cue evil villain cackle):

James Bond: No Time To Buy: The British agent, now played by Bezos, is faced with his toughest mission yet – to take down his arch rival: mega-billionaire, Elon Musk, sorry, Alon Whiff.

But to do so, he needs an arsenal of gadgets Q doesn’t have. It’s looking hopeless, desperate… then just like that he realises: Amazon Prime’s Next Day delivery can save the day!

Equipped for victory, he jets off for a showdown at Whiff’s secret lair (the Oval Office), and begins an epic battle that sees them going head to head all the way to… Mars (in Jeff’s Blue Origin rocket). After saving the day, 007 puts his feet up with a Kindle and pre-mixed Martini from Amazon Fresh.

Honestly I don’t know what people are getting in a flap about.

And finally.... the cutest picture of Awards Season*

* Not of Adam Brody