Psychology: Why you are not as happy as you should be

The bad news first: Most of us have a false idea of ​​happiness. We believe that happiness depends on external factors—money, relationships, jobs—and that we can only be happy once we've achieved a certain goal and our life conforms to a supposed ideal. In fact, our personal sense of satisfaction is largely independent of external circumstances.

Rather, it's about our inner selves, about how we see ourselves and the world. However, most people have lost this understanding. They believe they can only be truly happy when certain conditions are met. We make these five mistakes particularly often – and they lead to us not being as happy as we should be.

That's why you're not as happy as you could be 1. You isolate yourself

Humans are social beings. And as important and healthy as it is to be able to spend time alone, we need other people. In challenging times, many tend to isolate themselves and cut themselves off from others. And sometimes that can help in the short term—at least for a moment of breathing space. But in the long term, we should definitely not neglect our social contacts, because without a strong social environment and people who support us in difficult situations, we cannot live happily and healthily in the long term.

2. You are surrounded by negative people

Speaking of our environment: Many people underestimate how much influence the people around us have on our happiness. Being positive and happy is quite challenging when you're surrounded only by constant complainers and energy vampires. Of course, you can't influence every person around you—at work and in the family, we often have to deal with difficult characters. But the choice of friends and partners is in our hands. And here, it's important to surround yourself with people who are good for you and help you be the best version of yourself.

3. You compare yourself with unrealistic ideals

First of all: It's not inherently wrong to compare yourself to other people. Quite the opposite – psychologically speaking, our brain actually needs comparisons to be able to realistically assess ourselves and our environment. However, it becomes problematic when we compare ourselves to people and situations that are very far removed from reality, such as seemingly perfect influencers on Instagram and the like. Constantly visualizing other people's perfect moments can only make us unhappy. What we fail to see is that even these seemingly constantly happy people have bad days or that they work 80 hours a week to maintain the lifestyle we envy. This misunderstanding quickly leads to frustration and dissatisfaction.

4. You cling to the illusion of control

People tend to want to control everything because it makes them feel safe. But that's deceptive, because complete security simply doesn't exist. No matter how great our job is, how hefty our salary is, how happy our relationship is—all of that can be over from one day to the next, and there's nothing we can do about it. This isn't meant to be a downer; on the contrary: If we keep this in mind, we might be able to let go of our perceived control and instead live in the moment—and thus become a bit more relaxed and happier.

5. You lack gratitude

People who are unhappy often tend to focus only on the things they don't have. We quickly lose sight of everything we do have. These are the fundamental things like a roof over our heads, heating, and enough to eat. But also people who love us and who make us feel safe, a good book, or a hearty laugh. Those who remind themselves of this—preferably daily—and practice gratitude for everything they have, instead of despairing over what they supposedly lack, will become much more content.

mbl Brigitte

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