Varese - Vergiate - Support experiences for parents with adolescent children in social withdrawal - - Varese News

Social withdrawal in adolescence is a condition that profoundly affects those who experience it and those who observe it closely. It doesn't just affect the boy or girl experiencing a period of isolation, but also affects families, social networks, and communities, often generating a sense of loneliness and abandonment for parents as well. For this reason, the Sakido project , which deals with understanding and preventing Social Withdrawal in Adolescence, has created support groups aimed at parents, coordinated by professionals in the care and education sector .

The staff gathered the voices of these mothers and fathers and their reflections that developed along the way: what emerged was a powerful narrative of fragility and transformation, of loneliness but also of collective rebirth.

If the retreat is social the issue concerns the community

«Social withdrawal is never an individual problem – say the professionals – It is something that manifests itself in the life of a boy or a girl, but which immediately spreads to relationships, family balances, and friendships». Society itself plays a role: "We live in contexts that often push us away , that don't really invite us to be there," the operators point out.

So at first, the parents' experience is one of suffering, confusion, silence, and the judgment of others. But when they find people who are going through the same thing, a glimmer of hope opens up: "The relationship, the ability to see themselves reflected in others, triggers first support and then transformation."

Hikikomori: if withdrawal is social, the solution cannot be individual

The value for parents

Angela Murgia and Valentina Satta , coordinators and leaders of the Vergiate groups, explain how valuable it is for families at different stages of the journey to connect: "Those who are just starting out can glimpse a possible path forward, while those who are further along can see how far they've come. Little by little, the parents themselves begin to support each other. The group thus becomes a living network: they share updates, encourage one another, and care for one another even outside of meetings, through chats and informal moments."

“The focus isn't so much on the children as on the parents themselves,” say Sofia Gallo Galerón and Andrea Braga , coordinators and leaders of the Varese groups. “The question is never initially: What should I do? But rather: How are we? What's happening to us, what are we experiencing? And this shift in perspective leads to an inner movement that becomes transformation.”

The most revolutionary aspect—according to both teams—is the escape from loneliness: "Families learn to recognize and then select the friends or family members who are most capable of understanding and supporting them. Here too, children, with their silence or their detachment, are often the first to point the way." Groups represent a safe haven for families: a non-judgmental space where they can talk openly about what's happening and how they're feeling. Many parents report feeling stigmatized in their daily lives, perceived as unfit for their role, "the ones who can't send their child to school."

In the group, however, they feel recognized and welcomed. Social withdrawal also affects the family as a whole: other relatives often struggle to understand, sometimes even judge. Parents also experience, in a certain sense, a withdrawal. The older sister of a boy on retreat also participated in one group: her perspective brought a surprising enrichment, bringing the experiences of adults even closer to those of her brother.

When the support network is missing

Parent support groups are a challenge and a transformation for the team as well: "At first, we wanted to organize everything, figure out which topics to cover, and decide how to structure the sessions. But we quickly realized that our role wasn't so much to guide or provide answers, but rather to offer a welcoming setting and create a warm atmosphere, even through small rituals, like choosing a herbal tea together," Murgia and Satta explain. "The biggest challenge for us was learning to be silent, to leave the space empty, allowing it to be filled spontaneously by the participants."

A community response. The experience of Sakido's parent groups isn't intended to be the only form of support, but rather a valuable addition to other resources. However, an open question remains, the same one virtually all parents have asked themselves at the beginning of their journey: who can you turn to when you suddenly find yourself facing a case of social withdrawal? Many parents report feeling lost, caught between urgency and confusion, feeling their way through services, counseling centers, doctors, and private practices. Some have been more fortunate and have found satisfactory answers, but others have not,” say Gallo Galerón and Braga. “This highlights a void in the social fabric, which is also unprepared to immediately accommodate experiences that play out on the profound and elusive level of interiority. A cohesive and understanding social fabric would undoubtedly represent a crucial first ground for support and security for individual families. After all, it is always within the community that the resources for addressing social issues like social withdrawal are found. And it is thanks to experiences like this that we can discover that pain is never solely individual: it originates in the collective and returns to the collective. And it is precisely in this intertwining that it finds the possibility of being transformed.”

Sakido works to combat and prevent social withdrawal among adolescents in the province of Varese. It is a service offered by the L'Aquilone Social Cooperative, in collaboration with the Totem Social Cooperative and several other local partners. The support groups for parents were organized as part of an initiative to address child distress promoted and funded by the Lombardy Region with the contribution of ATS Insubria. To find out more: www.sakido.it .