Julia Fox Has Some Wisdom to Share About Sex

Since bursting into our lives and becoming a household name in 2022, Julia Fox has become a never-ending source of perfect quotes. Of effort: “75 percent of life is just showing up for yourself and the things that count.” On ambition: “I think to get anywhere you want in life, you have to be a little bit delusional.” “Getting old is fucking hot,” she declared in another video.

Now, she’s working with the new sexual wellness brand Mienne as one of their muses (in good company with Lola Leon and Parris Goebel), and Fox has some nuggets of wisdom to share about the topic. For the campaign, Fox directed herself in a video and photographs, all centered around the idea of pleasure. To mark the occasion, ELLE talked to Fox about why she’s continued to avoid sex with men, why you should always believe other women’s stories about their exes, and the one thing she wouldn’t wish on her worst enemy.

How do you define sexual wellness?

It means being present, knowing what you want and like, and what you don’t like. Sexuality is something that is always evolving and morphing as we grow and change as people. Obviously, it looks different for everyone. For me, sexual wellness looked like, “Okay, I need to take a break from this and see who I am without centering men and sex in my life.”

Sexual wellness is being in tune with your desires as a woman. Also, if there’s something that needs to be addressed, addressing it by going to doctor’s appointments, staying on top of things, and making sure that everything we’re putting in our body, even down there, is good for us. I personally didn’t grow up thinking that sexual wellness should be a priority, but it should be, especially with the way that women and culture are evolving.

You’ve also been known to practice celibacy. Do you find pleasure for yourself in other ways?

Yes, I just don’t have sex with men.

How is that experience going?

Amazing. I just recommend it to everyone. But I am not celibate. I know people like to use that term, and I know what they mean, so I will still answer it. But I do want to correct you that celibacy is tied to religious beliefs that I don’t take part in.

Is there a description that is more accurate?

I think it’s just not having sex with men. Women are really brainwashed into thinking that the goal is to find a man, have children, and get married. When you remove those core beliefs, a whole world opens up for you. I hear more women talking openly about how they are decentering men. But that doesn’t mean that we’re not having sex or not finding pleasure. If anything, we are finally finding pleasure. It’s about reframing our perspective and getting a new lens on ourselves, [our] sexuality, well-being, happiness, peace, and our priorities. A lot can happen when we just change our perspective.

What about decentering men has been surprising to you?

I wouldn’t say [anything is] surprising, but it has expanded my mind and life. Who am I when I’m not faking an orgasm? That’s essentially what it boiled down to. What do I like? Why have I been so conditioned to just please the man? [Just] mission accomplished, got it over with, a chore. I feel so, so bad for women that are still trapped in that, because it’s not their fault. We’ve all been there, and there are so many ways you can be validated and fulfilled.

Our desires are equally important, if not more, because we are the ones actively bringing life onto this planet. We are the special ones here in the equation. So why are we trying to please men? When you think about it that way, it’s like, Okay, wow, the brainwashing was crazy. I’m not perpetuating that any longer. It’s insidious. When you dismantle that belief system, it can be scary and isolating. But eventually, you start to find yourself, and like-minded people as well. It’s a beautiful thing to know that you’re not alone on that journey. Since I’ve spoken about it, so many other women have spoken about it, and people come up to me and talk about it.

Is there a first step to dismantling that belief system?

The first step is understanding and identifying [that] you have perpetuated that belief system and [your] role in it. Then, accepting and admitting that it’s not good for you—just [as] the first step in recovery is admitting that you have a problem. We do need to recover from it, [so] it’s like any issue or problem that you have in your life.

What usually happens when a woman breaks up with her significant other? She has a major glow up. She looks amazing. She’s taking up new hobbies. She’s killing it in her career. She’s working out, she’s taking care of herself, and she’s eating healthy. What happens with men after a breakup? They go get drunk at the bar and have sex with new people every single day. It’s disgusting. Like, the proof is in the pudding. We really don’t need to be subjecting ourselves to that. We have so much more to offer to ourselves.

I think you were joking, but you previously said, “Nothing good comes from having sex.” How do you feel about that quote now?

I was just joking. It also depends [on] what kind of sex, and it’s all circumstantial. But I’ve definitely been in situations where nothing good came of it. But then I’ve been in situations where something good did come of it. It depends on what kind of sex. Let’s put it that way.

What do you hope people learn from you about sex?

You should be having sex for you and to please yourself. It should be a really sacred experience. Yes, it is nice to get your partner off, but it’s also important to get yourself off too. As women, we want to please everyone around us, and [we] put our needs last. But ultimately, you [will become] a burnt-out shell of a human.

It’s okay to want and feel pleasure, and it doesn’t make you dirty or a pervert. It’s natural, and we wouldn’t be able to feel those things if we weren’t supposed to. I trust biology, science, and nature—there’s a reason we feel pleasure. So, do it. Do it as many times as you can, but just make sure that you’re doing it safely and in a way where you know [that] you’re not putting yourself at risk.

You posted a TikTok urging women not to have babies with “a loser.” Do you feel like there are more questions women should be asking men before agreeing to get in bed?

Yes, yes, yes. It’s just so sad when you see all these girls having babies with these assholes. I already know what’s going to happen. A month in and they’re already fighting, she’s doing all of the work, and he’s gone or disappeared. It’s so sad. It’s the worst. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

Any specific questions you think women should ask?

No, it’s not about questions, because men are fucking liars. I feel like so many women want that validation. They don’t want to be alone, and these men want to trap these women, so that they’ll always be there for them. You know a good man when you meet one. Yes, it is rare, but they do exist. If you’re already having problems pre-pregnancy, all a baby will do is exacerbate those problems and not only put you in danger, but it will put your child in danger too. If you are having any kind of issues at all, do not have a baby; it is like throwing gasoline on a fire.

So many women have this belief: I can fix him. It’ll be different for me. I’m the exception to the rule. No, you will not. An asshole is an asshole. You are not going to be the one to change him. I am so sorry. Yes, you might be special. You might have the best vagina on Earth, but you are not going to change that man. Your experience will not be different. I see it time and time again. Nobody is safe out here.

Listen to other women. If you’re dating someone, and a girl slides in your DMs who says, “Be careful, this guy did this,” run, block his number, and believe her. I’ve tried to warn girls, and they didn’t listen to me. But they always came back around and said, “Damn, I’m so sorry. I should have listened to you.” I’m like, “Well, you make your bed, but can’t say I didn’t try.”

What drew you to this brand?

Mienne is run and founded by a woman, and I loved their belief system. I’ve worked with many brands, and a lot of the time, they will say, “This is our message,” but behind the scenes, it doesn’t feel like that at all. It all feels very performative.

With Mienne, the campaign was whatever [I] wanted it to be, and that was so cool. I could choose my photographer, outfits, products, and also take my own pictures. The principles that were present during the shoot were what sex should be. It was, “You can do this, or not.” I wasn’t policed around or made to feel exploited in any way. Because of that, I really opened up, and had control and freedom over the direction of the brief. They’re the real deal, and it’s not bullshit, from behind the scenes to what they’re putting out into the world.

Which sexual wellness products from the line do you like?

Oh my God, I love, love, love the candle. You burn it, and then it turns into this liquid that’s not wax, but feels like an oily, buttery kind of substance that is also hydrating. It’s something that I would put on my skin just to have that dewy, glazed look.

The lube was amazing, too. It didn’t smell like anything, so you can definitely put it inside of you, and you won’t get any kind of crazy infection or irritation, which I’ve had with other lubes in the past. The body cream was amazing too. But everything I played with was impressive.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.